31 Lessons I Have Learned in 31 Years.
As 2020 comes to a close, reflecting on what this year has taught me is an extensive list. But what about all those other years I’ve experienced, starting in 1989!? The lessons I’ve learned since I took my first breaths could fill an entire anthology…and perhaps one day they will. But for now, I’d like to share with you 31 hard, terrifying, satisfying, magickal, traumatizing, beautiful lessons that I have garnered over these past 31 years I have been blessed to be on this planet. So without further adieu…
1.) The Power of Belief - some might say “seeing is believing”, and I would like to extend upon that turn-of-phrase. Experiencing is believing. You see, your beliefs are stored in your subconscious mind, the mechanism that holds on to everything you’ve ever said, seen, done, felt, tasted, touched, and to encompass it all what you have experienced. Whatever you believe will show up in your reality. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. You can’t trick your belief systems either, you may consciously think you believe something totally different than you subconsciously do. So what is it, at your core, that you truly believe?
2.) The Power of Patience - we will in a society where “now” is the only solution. You call a friend and you expect an immediate response, if not you think they’re mad at you or don’t care. You start a business and you expect an immediate ROI (return on interest) - because your idea is the BEST idea and no one else can do it better than you. You get a new puppy (hopefully you’ve adopted said puppy - but I’m not here to judge!) And you expect to teach it new tricks as soon as it gets home. You spend thousands of dollars on your degree (still contemplating why I ever did that) and you expect to get your dream job right out of college. And when these expectations do not come into fruition immediately you feel something has failed.
There is something at play here if you didn’t notice - expectation pairs perfectly with patience (or lack thereof). As technology advances so do our expectations for everything to work quickly, and that my friends is simply not the case. Some of the best things in life take time to simmer! Loving relationships, Grandma’s famous pea soup, deep conditioning your hair - none of these things you want to rush!
Allow things to grow! Allow things to flourish! Don’t rush it, don’t force it. If you are looking for favorable results, that is.
3.) Be Kind - so simple and so true. You never know truly what a person is going through, so just be kind. Most times we project our bullshit onto other people because we don’t want to take the time to process it and work through it ourselves (a.k.a. taking responsibility of our lives.) And whatever you put out into the Universe comes back to you three-fold. So when in doubt, be kind…but don’t be a pushover. Which leads us into #4.
4.) Boundaries - NO, is an entire sentence. The only time you ever need to put a comma after No is if you are trying to explain that no is an entire sentence! Boundaries are a key to free yourself from guilt and shame. I grew up being guilt-tripped and develop a deep sense of guilt and shame that has bled into my 30s. Thankfully, 2020 has made me stare this guilt in the face and smash. How have I done so? Through creating and upholding healthy boundaries. The only person, place, or thing that deserves to have 100% of your energy 100% of the time is YOU. Point blank.
5.) The Principle of Polarity - this is one of the 7 Hermetic Principles stating that everything exists in opposites. Just as much as the world is cruel it is also kind.
6.) JOY - listen up folks. Do you want to know the secret sauce to profound relationships that actually work? When you learn how to cultivate your own joy, you then realize that every other person that comes into your life is meant to add to your joy. Nobody has the power to create your joy, thus, they don’t have the power to take it away either. Follow your joy. And that’s that.
7.) Family is Everything - coming from a woman who has had ups and downs with her entire family for decades, this says a lot. This is something I have specifically learned this year, as I had made it a goal to nurture the relationships that I have with all of my family members, and I am truly better for it. Everyone has problems, if you didn’t have any problems you wouldn’t be a human being, simply because human beings are meant to solve problems! That includes your family. The greatest support I have received this year came from my family. They are everything to me, problems and all we work through it. And let’s not forget about the boundaries, to have a healthy relationship with you family members it is imperative to exercise and uphold those healthy boundaries.
8.) Some Friends are Family Member You Choose - And DANG! Am I lucky ducky to have some of the most amazing humans in my corner. My friends are my rocks, they are my inspiration, and they are few. I don’t have many people I call friends purposefully. At this stage of my life it’s all about the quality, not the quantity. So if you’re not adding to my joy….”why don’t you get the f*** out!” (mariah carey voice.)
9.) The Importance of Being Sober - alcohol….it’s ruled my life since I was 18 years old. Those first few days during my freshman year of college set the stage for the next decade + of my life. During 2020 I took a 7month break from drinking. Alcohol took my childhood traumas and amplified them for the world to see. It resulted in terrible relationship experiences, with myself and others. And undoubtedly put my poor body through hell and back. Just recently I took my first sips of wine (on Christmas) since being sober, and to be honest before I did, I was scared. I was afraid of the day when I would drink again, if I would be of out control. If I would binge and never look back. I thought to myself, if I can make it through the hardest year of anyones lives (2020) and not drink, who’s to say once I have that first sip of wine I won’t regress to old patterns. And to my delight, after drinking again I realized how much I don’t need to do it. I still don’t have any desire to do it, and I know when I do it again it will be celebrating with friends, and not because I’m home alone bored, or sad, or anxious, or whatever other excuses I gave to myself. Being completely sober for a time gave me my life back. It showed me that I do actually have power over something that once made me feel powerless…I highly suggest you try this sometime. Cos I’ll be the first to tell you, I am unstoppable!
10.) Therapy - this year I got back into therapy. I had gone to therapy on and off from ages 12-22, and then I stopped for almost the entirety of my 20s. And now that I’m back I realized I wasn’t using therapy correctly. I used to go to find an excuse for my pain, looking for someone else to put the blame on. The truth is, we have all experienced trauma in our childhood (some more than others) and that’s really sad. But we can’t rest on those laurels or else we’ll never progress, we’ll never know the true joy that comes with taking complete responsibility of our lives. So I am now working with a new therapist (fat shouts to you Regenia!), she helps me organize my thoughts and expose my triggers. Building a solid foundation to fall upon when I slip up, and making sure that foundation is nice and rubbery - so the harder I fall the quicker I bounce back!
11. ) Compassion - If everyone in the world were compassionate there would be no billionaires. I will say that. If everyone in the world were compassionate, there would be no wars, merely cooperation. And that starts at home. Karunā is the Pali word for self-compassion. It was not the name that I was born with, it is a name I have chosen for myself because it is the main focus of my life. I used to cut my wrists and drink myself into oblivion (amongst other things) because I wasn’t being compassionate with myself. dictionary.com defines compassion as a feeling of deep sympathy of another who is stricken by misfortune accompanied with a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. I’ve made it my mission to practice self-compassion, so I can be a shining example to the collective of how to do the same!
12.) Rest-Up, Bless-Up - as a double Capricorn and growing up in a Caribbean American household I’ve always felt (and have been told) I have to work hard to get anywhere in this world. Not realizing that the real work is actually resting. We are all running around like chickens with our heads cut-off (that amazes me chickens actual do this), and not allowing ourselves to rest. To rest is one of the highest form of self-care, we are machines but not robots. Our systems need time to reboot and come back full force. An unrested body is a stressed body, and as we are well aware of stress kills people. I know its hard, but give it a rest from time to time. Your people will still be there, the world won’t implode on itself, and you’ll be getting closer and closer to your purpose.
13.) Fast 1x Per Week - if you’re looking for a cure-all, fasting is up there on the list! This actually falls in line with rest, except with fasting we are granting our digestive systems a resting period. The benefits of fasting are plentiful, and to name a few - promotes blood sugar control, reduces inflammation, and boosts brain function - to name a few. Choosing one day per week to fast is optimal for your health physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
14.) Dedication - dedicate your life to something and stick to it. I’m a music fanatic and have been blessed with natural abilities and talents for music, I can sing well, I rap, I write, and learn instruments pretty easily. I’ve wanted to fully be a musician since I stepped out of the womb and when I was 19 I started that journey. Self-doubts, limiting beliefs, and unfavorable circumstances were the excuses as to why I’ve been in and out of achieving this ultimate goal. Had I stuck to my convictions I would undoubtedly be much farther now. And I can’t complain cos I love where I am. As the ancient Chinese proverb states, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is NOW.” So dedicate yourself to something you love, and forget the rest. This life isn’t a practice run!
15.) Practicing Self-Love - This has been pretty hard for me, because I didn’t even realize how much I hated myself. 2020 has brought me to my knees and has forced me to take a good hard look into the mirror. And one day I fell absolutely in love with myself and haven’t looked back since. Those years I spent hating myself I would ultimately attract partners that didn’t like themselves either, so there was no chance we would work. Self-Love is a never ending practicing, and it is the most fulfilling thing a person can ever do. I’m currently writing my first book 21 Steps Back to Love, where I am highlighting my self-loathing and delineating 21 important steps of how I got the point of self-loving! You can pre-order this masterpiece on website (www.karunasol.com) or by clicking here!
16.) Live in Integrity - one time was I was a pre-teen I wanted to go to the Boston Marathon with my aunt. Alas, I was on punishment for something so I wasn’t allowed to go. Instead I was forced to stay home and write the definition of integrity 100 times. And do you wanna know something? It’s not til this year that I have fully embodied and/or understood what integrity means. So let’s lay it on the line: integrity is you being true to your essence, your truest form. Living in integrity in living your truth. Whatever you believe is right, live by that.
17.) Fluidity - just as important as it is to live your truth, it is as equally as important to be fluid and open-minded to new ideas and concepts. You see, possibilities truly are endless - only if you allow yourself to be fluid and float down the river of life allowing lessons to be taught, learned, and improved upon. Speaking of improve…
18.) The Largest Room In the World -….is the room for IMPROVEMENT! My karate sensei said this to me when I was 8 years old, and it is a lesson I will never forget. We are energy, everything is energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just expands. It’s ok if you’re not exactly where you want to be right now. That’s actually great and very normal. That means you have ambitions and are looking to grow. Allow yourself the grace to grow, and just know that room for improvement will never be completely filled - until of course…you die.
19.) We Will All Die One Day - Hello, my name is Captain Obvious! But really, let that sink in. We will all die one day, so why are we so afraid to live!? Life is for the living dear ones…now get to it!
20.) Where Wisdom Resides - wisdom comes from our memories with the emotions extracted…read that again. Anything you have ever experienced has solid nuggets of wisdom in there. I like to envision a needle that goes into a memory and extracts the emotion out of it so I can actually learn something and not be so damn resentful. It works. Try it for yourself.
21.) The Principle of Vibration - another Hermetic Principle that actually supersedes the Law of Attraction. This states that nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates. Ever heard the saying, “your vibe attracts your tribe”? That is what this principle is talking about. Whatever vibration you put out into the world rest assured it ripples throughout collective consciousness and gets spit right back out to you. Vibrate wisely, friends.
22.) Love Bombing is REAL - It happened to me this year, it happened to me in late 2018, and it happened to me in 2007. Love bombing is the sadistic art of someone manipulating you, gaslighting you, saying and doing anything to make you believe they love you. Just to get whatever it is they want of you (usually that’s sex.) This year I was told by a man that he loved me, after only hanging out with me a few times, he wanted to pick out our wedding song. I mean I do get it I am AMAZING and all…but it seemed a bit forced. If you’re wondering, no, I didn’t give up the cookies. And guess where he is now? Not in my life at all! My first relationship was like this as well, being bombed with all of the fake love just to get whatever it is that he wanted. What he didn’t realize, even at 18, I was not a force to be reckoned with. Luckily, I’ve buried my crazy days, cos let me tell you! Ish got CRAZY! So be careful ladies and gents, there are many people out there that are whispering those sweet nothings into your ear solely to get what they want. Love bombing is super real, and it is experienced through those that haven’t fully discovered their worth. And if you’re reading this, and realize this is you. CUT THE SH*T!!!!
23.) Entrepreneurship is as Terrifying as it is Rewarding - remember that Principle of Polarity we talked about? Being an entrepreneur is a prime example of this. This year I took the plunge and started my own coaching and divination business. It scares the sh*t out of me most days, to be so vulernable, and to sell myself, and to go completely broke to signing a new client to going back to broke…to signing a new client to going back to broke. You get the picture. Alas, patience is a virtue and I’ve been learning to practice this in my business, and as long as I stay dedicated to helping the collective the rewards will be great. Isn’t it cool to see how the different lessons intertwine with one another!? I love it :)
24.) Pachamama Heals All - If you are ever having a bad day, take a step out into Mother Nature and let her heal your worries, sorrows, and pain. I often take Dazey (my beautiful little pit bull mix of sunshine) to a forest that is about 5 mins away from my house. There I talk to God/Source/The Universe whatever feels best for you, and I always come out feeling amazing. We are made of the same stuff that trees dirt, plants, birds, ants are all made of. Allow Mother Nature to do her work, so you can do yours.
25.) Travel Far and Travel Often - I started my 20s living in San José, Costa Rica, and started my 30s on a 6 month backpacking trip through Perú and Patagonia. The perspective gained from these experiences equals all of my 31 years combined and beyond. When we travel we have the honor and privilege to be inside of other cultures, try new foods, and meet new people. The world is larger than the “good ol’ US of A”, and it is your duty to experience it. Perspective is absolutely everything, and the broader your perspective the more fruitful and fulfilling your life is.
26.) The Importance of Community - we are community-based organisms, and this proven by science. The introvert inside of me still despises this fact. I like to say that I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies meaning that I thrive when I’m alone, and sometimes I need to step out and engage with others (usually when I’m ovulating!) Truly, we are creatures who are dependent on each other for rewarding lives. Even as I write these words I know I have a responsibility to use them wisely. Remember when we talked about joy? And how it is up to you to cultivate your own joy, and everyone else you allow into your life is solely to add to that joy. Well, that is true. And the ultimate point of cultivating your own joy is to let it bleed out into the collective, not to keep it to yourself. Fill up your cup, so it may runneth over into your community, which will help fill up your community’s cup so that may runneth over into the collective. That PI’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “happy wife happy life.” Well I beg another position, “a happy collective, a happy experience for all.” Not as short and as cute, but you get the picture!
27.) Being of Service - last year at Spirit Weavers Gathering in Oregon, I had a Grandmother read my fingerprints. One of the things she told me was I am here to serve, but not be a servant. I believe that to be true of all of us. Life supports that which supports life (and other adages: volume I), and this goes directly along with the importance of community. You might think you’re here to make a billion dollars, live on a yacht, dine at the finest of restaurants, and indulge in your vices - but really you’re here to help others. I have dedicated my life to be of service, which is a big reason as to why I started my coaching business. You see, it is more than possible for you to experience what true liberation feels like, freedom from societal constructed boxes, and your own fears and doubts. But we will never be free until we are all free. Serving others adds at least tens years to your life, and subtracts ten inches from your waist line ;-)
28.) You Are the Creatrix of Your Life - Point. Blank. Period! End of discussion. I need say nothing more…but I will. You have COMPLETE power over your life. Not to be confused with having power over your circumstances, as circumstances are things you cannot control. However, you can control how you react to your circumstance, and you can control whether or not you will be proactive in changing your circumstances. If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, don’t blame it on Donald Trump or the people that voted for him. Instead do something about it. Go on a hike, meditate, journal, start a business, call a friend, get a second job, kiss your dog in the face til she backs away because your breath smells! Whatever it is…Nike that thing up, and just do it! You are as powerless as you allow yourself to feel. In a shitty relationship? End that sh*t and take some time to figure out why you stayed so long. Tired of being broke? Change your relationship you have with money. Feeling lonely? Phone a friend. Feeling fat? Get your a** outside and take a walk, and stop eating McDonalds. Enough with the excuses already! You are all walking gods/goddesses. Start acting like it.
29.) Money is Just Energy in Paper Form - a lot of us spend our entire lives chasing money, and the effort is totally futile. Just as everything is energy, so is money. Many of the people I know grew up in households with a scarcity mindset. Meaning they had parents telling them “we can’t afford this,” or “money doesn’t grow on trees,” and my favorite “we eat rice every night because rice is the poor mans food” (I’m just now starting to like rice again!) But that just simply isn’t true. You are as rich as you feel, in fact, you were born rich and it is your right to be wealthy! Money is the byproduct of the value that you put into the world, so what are you adding to the collective? And how are you treating your money? Are you afraid to check your bank statement so you never do it? Do you constantly spend your money until it runs out without a care to nurture your bank account? You have a relationship with money, whether it is healthy or not. If you don’t ever check your bank statements because you’r scared, imagine your account in a person. If you ignored that person and lived in fear of that person would your realtionship with them be healthy and grow? Absolutely not. If they had any self-worth they’d be on the next train to See-You-In-Hell-ville. So let’s assume money has high self-worth, and will only stick around as long as your nurture your relationship with it.
30.) Invest, Invest, Invest! - Oh did I mention, Invest!? When you invest in yourself high rewards will come. Investing in your emotional health (like paying for therapy) will show you a ROI in your relationship with others, investing in your business will help your business grow, investing in learning a new skill will help you gain more confidence. Investing in stocks is a wonderful way to make your money work for you. Have more assets than liabilities. Invest in your future, and you are investing in a better world.
31.) The Only Direction is Forward - You can’t go back, and you shouldn’t try to. Believe me, I’ve tested these waters and it is so futile. In Perú there is a saying, “de frente, no mas”, which basically means, go straight no more no less. Even when you feel like you’ve fallen a few steps backwards, your bounce rate is improved every time you get back up! When you’re feeling stuck, just realize you can only move forward from here. The only direction you will ever need to follow is forward. So, fall forward friends. And keep on keepin’ on. Happy 2021!!!!
P.S. If you want to hear this blogpost, check out my bonus episode on the Sōl Concepts: in 5D Podcast!